fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
