he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
