I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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