Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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