Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
