I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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