I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
