The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
