So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
