can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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