I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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