My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
