You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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