My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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