Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
