Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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