now i know why i became what i already was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
