whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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