How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
