Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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