jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
