I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
