I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
