we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
