Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
