arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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