Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My dick has a subreddit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
