I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
