I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
