This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
