pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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