I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm passing your future prison.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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