She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
