Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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