is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
