she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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