dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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