So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
