alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
