whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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