This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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