I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
