I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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