Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
