I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
