A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
