i already hear my dad disowning me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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