What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
