How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
