If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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